Are you me mum or something?
by finnhere2
Summary: Some peculiar things come to light of day when Ray Doyle comes up with an influenza. Sorry, that pest of a woman involved. Note: an f-word used, once. Also apologies for strange paragraph-settings I didn't manage to correct.


"What 'ave you done to Macklin?"

"Wha?" Anna had a spoon between her teeth so her articulation was a little unclear.

"You 'eard me." Ray's whole body ached in the hands of a terrible cold, and the only consolation was, that Bodie, who had visited him in the morning before leaving for work, had said his head felt heavy too and claimed it was not a hangover. That's how it started with Ray too, so would serve the berk right, yeah.  
The woman, who had stormed Ray's apartment an hour ago, seemed irritatingly energetic though. Not that Ray complained, really, no, as Anna had first quickly tidied the place and then confiscated the contents of Ray's cupboards and fridge for a meal, and while the contents of the kettles were chatting softly, she had even changed the man's sheets and ventilated the apartment. And now, she was emptying a pan in another kettle, and the function of the mysterious spoon became clear when the woman took it and tasted, whatever it was she was making in that particular kettle. Ray couldn't smell a thing, and that was damned annoying as he was sure his kitchen was filled with delicious scents.

"This needs tabasco..." she was muttering.

"Don't change the subject." Ray felt like quarreling - stupid enough - and any issue would do. Even something as extraordinary as the little story Bodie had told him to cheer him up. But he felt so overwhelmingly sick, that his attempt for a fight was quite lame. "And why do you bother with food anyway? I have no appetite." He was ill so seldom, that this bloody bug, when it finally had got him, had really felt crushing, and although Ray was no whiner, he thought he hadn't felt as miserable in years.

"I know you don't, sweetie, but you have to eat." Anna never minded his growling. "Once these are done, I put some in your freezer and some in fridge, in small ready portions." Oh, that explained the plastic pots Anna had brought with her. "You need awfully lot of fluids too so I have also made you ready veggie broth, and you just add the broth to these as much as you want so you can change these to soups. And oh, in your freezer there are berries, and fresh juice in your fridge. You need vitamins too. And instead of making stupid incoherent questions, you could first go and have a quick shower and then set the table, I didn't have time for a real lunch and I'm hungry. There's clean pyjamas for you on your bed and you'll feel heaps better once you've washed and changed. And you put that old pyjamas along with other laundry. And don't even think about insubordinance. Do as you're told or I tell LOUDER."  
The calm look in the woman's eyes was crushing enough, and Ray's poor head made him decide he wouldn't take the risk of being yelled at. Or even nagged to. So he dragged himself into the bathroom, yet ready to _not _feel heaps better. He certainly wouldn't need to feel better if he didn't want to. Or at least, to admit that.

When they got to the point when they sat to table, he hadn't forgotten the original subject and asked once more.

Anna gave him a suspicious glare. "As far as I know, I haven't done Macklin anything out of the ordinary lately." She took bread and sliced fresh sweet pepper on it. "Iron and vitamins. Good for your blood, says dr Hoskins. Eat."

"Don't you try." Anna's bossing gave Ray a legitimate reason to quarrel. "Yes you have. Something. Done, I mean."

Anna was rolling her eyes. "Well what on Earth have I supposedly done then, eh?"

"Well I don't know and that's why I'm asking. Wouldn't ask if I knew, would I?" Ray was very proud for being able to put two such enormously long sentences one after another. Somehow it felt an achievement.

The next he knew was a hand approaching his forehead.

"You are making even less sense than usually." Anna sounded irritated. Good. Although, the still sensible part of Ray's mind was trying to tell him it wasn't good, not _at all_. But he only wanted to be ratty and feeling that, yeah, "_anything goes_", said Cole Porter. And Anna was American too like Porter, wasn't she? "You're sizzling hot... Goodness, this is not a cold, this has to be influenza! Now, you eat, and then you go to bed, Ray." Now Anna was starting to sound a little worried. That wasn't what Ray wanted, although, another part of his sore head said it was exactly what was wanted, some pity and compassion and understanding in his misery.

"Bodie told me so don't you try." The ratty Ray pushed the hand away.

"Told you what?"

"What 'appened in the pub."

"Well that's nice, because _I_ don't have a bloody clue what you're talking about!"

Ray gave a laugh, as the one and only thing Anna was infected with was that _bloody_, it had seeped into her speech the few months she had now lived in England after her return from Mexico, where she had sold her home and fixed things. And she said that in such hilarious popping bubbly way, it was fun to lure her to use it. Bubbling bloody. Blood... yurgh. Ray gave the sweet pepper a suspicious glare. Good for your bloody bubbles. And a part of his mind was trying again to tell him he really _was _incoherent.

Anna was frowning at him. "Well, what?"

"What well what?" Ray pulled himself out from blood bubbles. They had ceased to be funny.

"What did Bodie tell you?"

Now, that made Ray frown in his turn. When had Anna become so curious? And why did she ask? "That his 'ead is 'eavy?" Ray wasn't quite sure if that was it, though. But at least his own head weighed three tons. Minimum.

Anna rolled her eyes. Then she came to sit next to him, and told him to open his mouth. Feeling oddly meek, Ray did as he was told, and in a few minutes over a half of his stew had been spooned inside his mouth, and the bread squeezed in, and that was so hilarious that Ray only giggled. He did drink himself, like a good little boy, as this sister told him there was medicine in the drink, and he'd stop hurting. And the drink was good, funny tasting but good, and tasted a little like mum's buns. He drank two mugs of mum's buns. It was warm too. It was warm, and that was nice because Ray had been freezing. "How come this is warm?" Ray asked, and meant to ask something more but he was interrupted by a huge yawn.

"Because I warmed it, dummy. Off to bed now, Ray. I call a doctor to see you."  
"You come to bed with me?" Ray was delighted.  
"No. But you go now."

"I'm not going to bed alone." This nice lady could be fun company there.

"Yes you are, Ray."

"No I'm not." He stood up to prove his point and to go to bathroom instead to have a shower if this woman wasn't going to come or coming to go in his bed, but he fell back into his chair. And every place hurt from hair down. Maybe even hair did.

"All right, looks like you don't even _get _there alone. Geez... Come on now, Ray, I lend you a hand. Come on now, that's a good boy..." Ray soon found himself sitting on something soft. "That a boy, Ray. Now, put your head on the pillow and I tuck you in and then you close your eyes."

Ray gave another suspicious glare. "Are you me mum or something?"

"I'm _or something_."

"Ok." That made perfect sense. Because only his mum or something was allowed to stroke his forehead. It felt nice, took pain away. "I know one Anna. She is also something. Does things to macklins. Say hello if you meet her." Now even eyelids weighed a million tons. Nobody could take a million...

* * *

Thank goodness there was the ever reliable and efficient Betty, it only took one phonecall to her to be sure all concerned at the HQ got informed Ray would _definitely _be MIA for longer than a day. But it took a quite few phonecalls to get a doctor to have a look at the man. As the last resort before starting to wake up the blacked out agent and drag him into her car, Anna did call dr Hoskins to his personal desk number, and the dear old medic, after some growling and complaining, promised to be there in 45 minutes. Then Anna took yet another phonecall.

"Mac? Sorry, we maybe need to call it off for today. I'm waiting for a doctor here."

"Doctor?" The Chief Trainer's voice only sounded surprised, without emotions like scorn, which would have been most expected by any ordinary agent of the CI5. But Anna was not aware of that, really. "What is it then?"

"I'm afraid it's influenza. When I came, Ray complained about headache and aching muscles, and then all of a sudden started to turn incoherent, and I mean _big _time, and now he's burning with fever and dropped the minute I got him to bed. And I got an impression, what little sense there was left in him, that Bodie had appeared under the weather this morning too, and if Bodie has got it..."

"... You've maybe got it too." There was some silence. "Oh, bugger."

"Yeah, I know. So it maybe is best we don't have that match today. I may be infectuous already now and don't want you to get it, one of us has to be able to take the gym."

There was a sigh or something like that in the other end of the line. "Yeah, true... But haven't you taken the vaccination?" Suddenly, there was a completely different tone to the voice in that sharp question.  
"No, I've never considered that necessary, for me it has usually only been like a bad cold. And besides, whether vaccinated or not, I still can spread Bodie's bugs."  
"I don't give a tinker's damn if or who you infect." Now, that tone was something most agents would have felt familiar with. "_Usually_, you **twit**, you've got two fully functioning lungs. Which you do not have at the moment, in case that _most trivial_ little detail has slipped your mind." Now, _this _tone definitely would have made every agent feel at home, except Anna, who started to frown. "You take that friggin' shot asap and _that _is an _order_. I will take care of the gym myself for the next days, and you stay at the range until we see if you've got the bloody virus or not. But you're off work the second I, or anybody else, suspect you might have got it, and then you go home and stay there."

"Oh come on, Mac! I told you..." but she was interrupted.

"Shut it."

Anna did that out of sheer resentment.

"Who's the doc coming to see Doyle, someone local?"

"Didn't get locals, so I called dr Hoskins. He should be here in a good half an hour now."

"Good. When he comes, tell him to call me, I'll stay here for another hour and a half or so." Anna growled. "And that _too _is an order."  
Right. Bloody... how did Ray mutter it? Ploppy bubbling hell? Macklin and dr Hoskins would be too much to handle if they allied against her. But that plopping bubbly brought to mind... "Before I forget, has there happened something between you and Bodie?"

"Between me and Bodie?" The man sounded a little surprised now. "Nothing as far as I'm concerned, except that he's soon due for physicals and usually squeals like a rusty hinge about it, wussy, but even that usually to others and not to me." Now, that again did sound completely good-humoured, which of course would for any agent have sounded very unnatural. "Why?"

"Ray rambled something incoherent about you and Bodie and some pub."

"Pub? Oh yeah, we were in the same pub for a while yesterday. What about it?"

"So what happened there then?"

"We drank beer, noticed each other, exchanged a few words and left, each to his own direction."

"Words? What kind of words?"

"Consisting of one or more syllables. That kind." Now the man only sounded a little amused. "Are you so damn jealous over Bodie that he isn't allowed to speak to blokes either?"

"No, of course not! But Ray sounded so..." Anna shrugged at herself. "Whatever. I start doing the dishes, didn't even get to empty my own plate, come to think of it, as Ray got so strange. And by the way, it's Chang and Benton at the gym tomorrow."  
"Together?" Macklin sounded surprised.  
"Yeah, Benton's been the past two weeks tutoring Gina at the field so I thought they might come together. Does good for them both. Neither have seen the other in action as far as I know."  
"_Nobody_'_s _seen Benton in action for years. Are you sure he's capable?"  
"No, and that was exactly what I had wanted to find out. As he's been tutoring, and has given signs he's still interested in the field, and his heart and bloodpressure and such are ok, I thought to give him some attention to see if he could be cocked for action again."  
"You'd better choose another wording if you mean to let Bodie hear that, or he may get his own ideas about Benton's cock...ing. And with all due respect, Missie, you do give your attention to some really odd cases." She could hear the shaking of the head. But everyone else in the Squad would have heard the lack of indignation. She didn't.  
"Well with all due respect, _Sir_, I sometimes think that I do not even know other than _odd cases_." She didn't care if the sarcasm came through.  
"Like knows like." That was pure humour. "All right, and don't forget to tell that bone-sawer to call me."  
"Yeah yeah yeah yeah." Pouting, Anna hung up and returned to the kitchen.

* * *

In the evening Bodie called from Ray's apartment, he too blocked and tired and with a sore throat and head, and updated Anna on Ray's condition, which still wasn't good, but at least the medication had made the fever come down a little and Ray was more coherent and rational again. Bodie and Anna decided Bodie would stay with Ray for the time being, it was the same bug anyway, and the two men could keep an eye on each other, but if Anna also got the bug, they would re-evaluate the situation as Anna might need help with her new big horse. Anna's arm was still sore from the vaccination the old doctor had given in case Anna now had managed to avoid being infected, and had already been prescribed medication in case she hadn't. And the old doctor had actually repeated the dressing down Macklin had given her for ignoring the influenza-shot.  
Mentioning which, of course, reminded her of the peculiar ramblings of Ray. And on the other end of the line, Bodie rubbed his swollen head, wondering what he could tell to Anna. Damned Doyle...  
"Well yeah, we got in same pub by coincidence after that stupid wrestling-show. You were right, by the way, that was some wasted money."  
"And?"  
Bodie sighed. It was such a good story to tell Ray, but he was quite certain Anna wouldn't be able to quite appreciate all the nuances. "All right..."

* * *

**Bodie was starting to get pissed off. He should have believed Anna's eye-rolling and absolute refusal to come and watch 'American free style wrestling' and should have stayed at home to begin with; or at least he should have followed Ray's example and leave ****right after the show, instead of coming into this pub. Beer without Ray or other good company didn't taste half as good, well yeah ok, there was this bloke he had sometimes seen somewhere, but it was boring to listen to that starry-eyed praise of the event which, actually, had made Bodie doubt the mental sanity of both the fighting participants **_**and **_**most of the audience.**  
_**I'm getting old**_**, the agent sighed at himself. And yeah, Ray had appeared even rattier than usually, and said he wasn't feeling quite well, of course, as they were being up to their topskulls with work again and had been that already for several weeks in a row. Even the weather had turned beastly, and the asphalt was getting slippery both on the pavements and on the roads. So, it might be best to stay in the city and not drive at Anna's, besides it really was too late for that. All right, he would just finish the pint and ignore the gang of idiots, which had gathered around him and the bloke, who at the moment fantasized of having also strangling allowed in wrestling. **_**Honestly?**_  
**Suddenly, Bodie's pint was knocked off his hand, and although it had already been almost empty, he got annoyed. Beer was beer after all, and he had duly paid for it. "Oi, mate, mind your elbow, eh?" **  
**In a minute the situation had escalated, and even Bodie's "Liver-poodle-ian" accent - which he did not have, at least if somebody asked him - was being sneeringly scrutinized, and it was clear the gang was simply out for a fight. And Bodie was in bad enough mood already to give them what they wanted.**  
**"Wouldn't do that if I were you." Bodie was startled, the voice was familiar yet very out of place. And right enough, a blond man had emerged at Bodie's side.**  
**"Yeah listen to him, Liver-poodle!" the leader of the pack quipped, and that was followed by laughter.**  
**"Wasn't talking to **_**him**_**, mate." Macklin sounded more bored than anything else. **

**"Yeah and why is that, **_**mate**_**?" That was almost spat out.**  
**"Because I feel sorry for the nurses who are working overtime today anyway plastering grannies' ankles. Wouldn't want to bother them with you miserable lot." **  
**"And who says we're miserable?" **  
**Macklin sighed. "Everybody, seeing what's left of you once we're finished. Which shouldn't take longer than five minutes, if you're anywhere near form, Bodie."**  
**"Five?" Bodie sneered. "What do you take me for? Three, tops."**  
**"You figure? But if you remembered anything of what I've been teaching you and not only wanted to **_**entertain**_** yourself, that would be two." Macklin turned to adress the pack-leader again. "Although, on a second look, that might be taken as mauling minors. They claim it's considered bad manners." Indeed, the gang seemed to be barely in their 20's.**  
**"Fuck you, pops!" The leader leaped in front of Macklin.**  
**"In your dreams, darling." The man actually smiled when saying that.**  
**"You..." the enraged gangster put his hand in his pocket and indeed, when the hand came out, there was a knife. **  
**"Oh, lookey-lookey, I am absolutely paralyzed by terror. Are you, Bodie? Say that you are, that helps our little criminal feel so much more dangerous." That was too much for the young man, and he lost his temper and slashed.**  
**Well, tried.**  
**And screamed.**

**"Other charges than public disorderly, assault etc.?" The young policeman had adressed the CI5 agents very politely.**  
**"General stupidity", growled the blond one. **  
**The dark-haired one chuckled. "You can say that. Tried to poke a stick into a wrong bear, that one piece of work. Macklin was lenient though, nothing should be broken. Too severely." The policeman looked a question-mark and saw a thumb point at the blond one. "Our arms- and combat-instructor, Macklin is."**  
**"Oh", the policeman blinked. "And just for the records, did you at any stage tell the assailants you are with CI5?"**  
**"Things happened so fast that we really didn't get the chance, and I was sure I had left my ID home when I changed clothes for the show. Sorry. But we did warn them from attacking." Bodie smiled, the policeman nodded, and having contact-information of both men, politely bid them good evening and left. **  
**"**_**Sorry**_**, your arse. You didn't have any intention to show the bloody card to begin with." Macklin looked at Bodie, amused.**  
**"And what about you then, eh? Didn't see the flag in your hand either." It was a rare moment when Bodie felt like bantering with Macklin.**  
**"Things happened so fast, et cetera. Smooth liar, you. Besides, you would have whined to Anna or Doyle that I spoiled your fun." Macklin yawned. "Time to hit the hay."**  
**Bodie nodded. "Same here. Thanks for the backup. I would have managed though." His pride forced him to say that out loud. **  
**"Yeah I know, only five of 'em. Anyway, I suspected that one maggot had the knife and he could have managed to get behind you... but I'm off for now. Cheers."**  
**"Cheers." Bodie watched after the trainer for a moment.**

"So, what's the big deal about it? Other than you both acted like a pair of irresponsible damned teenagers." As Bodie had guessed, Anna didn't catch the essential.  
"Well, for us lesser mortals the so called big deal was, that it was _Macklin _who came to offer backup."  
"But of course he came. Isn't that what the partner-thing is about? To watch the other one's back?"  
Bodie sighed again. Anna really missed the essential, something Ray had realised instantly but later messed in his delirious head. "Yeah that's what it is about." Macklin had watched his partner's back. The partner just was not _Bodie_. And Bodie already opened his mouth to tell the woman, but swallowed and left unsaid what Macklin had added to his last lines, something he had told Ray.

**"Didn't want to give Anna a cause to bitch I was there and did nothing."**

Yeah. That would stupefy anyone.


End file.
